首页>学习资讯>雅思>[雅思培训]雅思写作范文哪里找?如何利用范文提高写作?(2)

[雅思培训]雅思写作范文哪里找?如何利用范文提高写作?(2)

发布日期:2020-03-16 23:46:05

除了剑桥系列真题后面的考官范文【此处插入前一篇文案链接】以外,还有哪些靠谱而权威的范文呢?经常有同学问老师这个问题。这里,雅思培训机构必有达人的老师给出第二个范文来源--官方原版教材,比如Mindset for IELTS。这本教材是剑桥官方针对雅思考生编写的一套教材,其权威性可以得到保障,而且素材和来源相对规范,契合考试的要求和评分标准。同学们可以研究这类教材中编者所提供的范文。下面,我们以Level 3的第四单元题目为例做出详细分析。


Mindset第四单元写作主要讲了agree or disagree这类文章的写作方法,专家给了同学不同的文章结构选择。我们以这道题为例:


Answer the Writing Task 2 below.


You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.


The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Write at least 250 words.


题目解析:这是一道典型的agree or disagree的作文,题中所给观点是“找工作最重要的考虑因素就是要有高收入”。根据我们达人核心阶段写作课所讲的方法,我们可以首先判断这是一道现象判断和解释类题目,意为:考官要我们判断题中所陈述的内容是否正确并解释。


解题思路:大部分同学,不论是否有过工作经验,可能都会觉得虽然工资很重要但不是最重要的因素,工作带来的成就感,快乐的工作氛围等都是很重要的因素。不论我们支持哪一种观点,一个好作文所具备的特质是能够全面考虑题中给出的内容,并且有逻辑有条理地进行论证,措辞和句式方面准确而多样。


范文分析:Mindset这本教材的好处是分级明确,Level 2基本上是以6.5分为目标,而Level 3定位在7.5分,所以这样一来,同学就很清楚自己所阅读的范文代表了什么样的水平。这道题出自Level 3,因此代表了较高的写作水平,我们一起来从四个评分标准研读一下。


Sample answer


第一段:背景介绍+亮出观点(不同意题中观点)


It is widely accepted that, for most people, their daily working lives will not be spent in their dream jobs. Despite this, l do not feel that people should instead prioritise becoming a high earner above all other concerns.


第二段:论证我方观点-为什么工资不是最重要的因素?作者从两个方面进行了论证,第一个理由是人们需要stimulation,随后用解释说明的方式进行拓展;第二个理由是通过帮助他人所获得的fulfilmentcontentment,而后用例证(护士和教师)具体说明有些人在乎的更多是成就感而不是财富。


To begin with, I strongly believe that people need stimulation in their daily working lives in order to feel a sense of reward. Very few of us can go through an entire career staying in a position or an industry that we find boring purely for the financial incentive. Secondly, there are so many people who see their working life as a search for fulfilment and contentment in helping others, rather than a search for wealth. It seems unlikely that the priority for, say, every nurse or teacher in the world is to become well off, and jobs such as these are rarely extremely well paid.


第三段:让步驳论段-承认反方即题中观点的一部分合理性,然后进行反驳。作者先肯定好的收入是有意义的,也是有必要的,但是作者也给出了反驳--一味地追求高收入,并将其放在首要关注点上会导致内心的压抑和不快,这对收入增加是有害无益的。


Despite this, some would argue that those people who have families to support should always prioritise earning a high income; after all, it means securing their children's future. Others point out that, as the job market becomes increasingly unstable across the globe, it is vital to earn more and therefore save more. However, I do not agree that a good salary should necessarily be the number one concern for everyone. Too many people become preoccupied with the next pay


rise or career move, and eventually become unhappy or even depressed, neither of which helps them to save or to provide for their family.


第四段:结论段-作者重申观点并概括了主要的论点。


In summary, earning as much money as is humanly possible should not be anyone's main concern. Granted, it arguably brings financial stability, for individuals and for their families, but it is simply not worth tolerating a lifetime of unhappiness at work purely for the money.


(291 words)


解析要点1TR任务回应


作者一共写了291个单词,文章共分为四个自然段,开头和结尾的观点清晰而一致,总体的论证方向是十分明确的,中间两个主体段分别从正反两个方面进行了论证,论证我方观点的合理性,同时论证了反方的不合理性。


解析要点2CC内容逻辑和语言连贯性


内容方面,主体段之间是有明确的转折(despite this),每个主体段内部也有明显的推进。比如第二段中对我方观点的论证,有两个分论点,每个分论点都有事实解释说明和例证支撑。第三段中对反方的观点也有解释说明,然后进行反驳,反驳也有事实进行支撑,而不是仅仅有断言。


解析要点3LR词汇丰富性


文中的词汇的和一些搭配都是非常地道的。词汇丰富性体现在对主题词的替换方面,比如


第一段中的prioritise becoming a high earner到了第三段就以词性转换的方式替换成了prioritise earning a high income。同时,文中用了大量跟主题有关的词汇和搭配,比如financial incentivea search for fulfilment and contentment in helping othersa search for wealthwell offsecuring their children's futureprovide for their family等。这些需要平时的积累和主观能动的使用。


解析要点4GRA句式结构的准确与丰富


语法的准确性和结构的多样性都是考试的评分维度,这篇文章全文一共12句话, 所以平均句长24个单词左右。可见,这篇范文给我们展现的句式丰富性算是比较高的。句式结构的练习最实用,效果最好的方法就是通过分析范文进而模仿写作。下面我们逐句分析一下全文的这12句话中体现的语法结构和语言现象。


第一段


1. It is widely accepted that, for most people, their daily working lives will not be spent in their dream jobs. 表语从句,被动


2. Despite this, l do not feel that people should instead prioritise becoming a high earner above all other concerns. 宾语从句


第二段


3. To begin with, I strongly believe that people need stimulation in their daily working lives in order to feel a sense of reward. 宾语从句


4. Very few of us can go through an entire career staying in a position or an industry that we find boring purely for the financial incentive. 定语从句


5. Secondly, there are so many people who see their working life as a search for fulfilment and contentment in helping others, rather than a search for wealth. There be结构,定语从句,并列连词rather than的使用


6. It seems unlikely that the priority for, say, every nurse or teacher in the world is to become well off, and jobs such as these are rarely extremely well paid.


第三段


7. Despite this, some would argue that those people who have families to support should always prioritise earning a high income; 宾语从句,定语从句


8. after all, it means securing their children's future. 这句其实跟上一句是一个完整的句子,在没有连词的情况下断句要使用分号。


9. Others point out that, as the job market becomes increasingly unstable across the globe, it is vital to earn more and therefore save more. 宾语从句,as引出原因状语从句


10. However, I do not agree that a good salary should necessarily be the number one concern for everyone. 宾语从句,not necessarily表示不一定,not否定提前至主句部分


11. Too many people become preoccupied with the next pay rise or career move, and eventually become unhappy or even depressed, neither of which helps them to save or to provide for their family.复合句,定语从句


结论段


12. In summary, earning as much money as is humanly possible should not be anyone's main concern. 动名词做主语,humanly possible表示人力所能及的,earning as much money as is humanly possible表示赚到力所能及范围内尽可能多的钱


13. Granted, it arguably brings financial stability, for individuals and for their families, but it is simply not worth tolerating a lifetime of unhappiness at work purely for the money. 复合句,句首的granted表示“我承认”,“的确”,but表示转折,not worth doing sth表示不值得做某事。整个句子表达:的确,这无疑给个人和家庭带来经济的稳定,但是单纯为了钱去忍受一辈子做毫无幸福感的工作就是不值得的。


希望这篇范文分析给你来收获!我们下期再见。


教师信息:


钱锐老师 必有达人教学总监



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